How to Pay Your Japanese Road Tax

These are just some notes I am preparing for myself so that I can remember how to pay the Japanese road tax next year.  I wouldn't want to forget this awesome experience!

Step 1:  Choose the warmest day possible and make sure it is really humid..at least 90% humidity.  Your husband's car is "special" because it is only a 3-cylinder, thereby designating it a "yellow plate," so you must go to the local Japanese city government office to pay your husband's road tax (because he isn't here, again) instead of on base.  Drag both of your kids along for extra fun.  Climb the 42 stairs to the office and wipe your sweat off with your shirt sleeve before you go in.  Ask politely if you can kudasai (pleeeeaaaasee????) pay your own car tax at the same time.  Accept their gomenasai (apologies) when you are told no, for no apparent reason. 

Step 2: Choose a day to pay your own car tax when you are having a Tropical Storm and it's your son's "school" birthday.  Oh, and make sure that pest control is coming at the same time to spray your house for the cockroaches who apparently dislike the outdoor rain and would instead prefer to make your cozy concrete bunker their home.

Step 3: Get up extra early to chase down the cats.  Drag them out from under the bed and try really hard to not get scratched while stuffing them into their cat carriers.  Make sure it is raining really hard when you schlep them next door to your neighbor's house, since they can't be home while pest control is spraying for said cockroaches.  After you have taken the first cat next door, go back to get the second cat and remove both children from the large puddle of water they are playing in in your front yard.  Scold the almost four-year old for opening the door to get them out.  Place them back in the house.  Dry them off and take the second cat to your neighbor's house. 

Step 4: You must now load the car with your son's school birthday party supplies.  Use the extra "getting up early" time to decorate the brownies he wanted, then wait until it is raining sideways to run out into the sheeting rain and put the brownies, bags of party favors, party hats, and backpack into the car.  Go inside and change clothes because you are soaking wet.

Step 5: Greet the pest control men who have arrived 10 minutes early and are explaining to you in broken English that they cannot spray because they just sprayed 3 weeks ago.  Politely explain to them in your best broken Japanese that you do not care, and that you want them to spray again.  Play charades until you understand that they want you to have maintenance install sweepers on your doors that will prevent said cockroaches from entering your house.  Leave your house for two hours so they can spray,  happy that you at least got your way.

Step 6:  Strap your children into their car seats while it is still heavily raining.  Get in the car and explain to your son why it appears to be raining inside the car (i.e. he is dripping wet).  Drop son off at preschool and go to the Air Force base to pay the road tax on your car.

Step 7:  Get out of your car and make sure that when you grab your daughter and her umbrella stroller that there is a kite somehow tangled up in the stroller that you cannot get untangled.  Politely accept the stranger's help who stops his driving car to get out in the sheeting rain and help you untagle stroller and daughter.  Thank him profusely.  Ignore the people waiting in line outside the theater who are staring and laughing at you.

Step 8: Try to find the end of the line, without success, for approximately 2 minutes. Wait in line for 30 minutes, trying to entertain your 14-month old during this time.

Step 9: Arrive at the "document check" and when the Airman cannot find your current insurance documents and asks you if you have, in fact, paid your insurance bill, try to remain calm.  When your heart starts beating again, ask him politely to continue looking at ALL the papers and he will then find them.

Step 10:  Maneuver said umbrella stroller with daughter strapped in through the line and onto a non-handicap accessible stage with the help of strangers. Wait in line for another 30 minutes and you will receive your road tax sticker.  Wait until it stops raining (perhaps next month) to affix said sticker to your car.

Step 11: Drive home in the sheeting rain at approximately 20 kilometers an hour, driving cautiously while remembering that if you get in an accident - even if it's not your fault - that it WILL be your fault according to Japanese law because you are American.  Try to see out the window and avoid the large pools of water on the road.  Pray silently that your car is not chosen to be searched when you arrive on your home base because of the increased security measures because we kiilled Bin Laden.

Step 12:  Thank God that you are now home safely, mission accomplished.  :) 

Have a good one!