Driving... to He** and Back!

Here is the first of what I assume will be many "stories" about my adjustment (or lack thereof) to Japan.  This is the tale of my first driving experience in Japan.


By now you all know that I passed my driving test and was given Professional Driving Status.  That is to say, they consider ALL Americans to be Professional Drivers.  What this actually means is that you are basically at fault for any and all accidents that would occur with a Japanese National. So what seems at first to be an honorable title is really... not so much so.

Anyway. I digress.  So this morning Tommy went to go file the claim for the approximately $7,000 the Marine Corps owes us for our move.  Wyatt and I stayed here and we were to meet him and our Sponsor here at 9:30 to go to the housing office to finalize our housing offer.

It stopped raining for about 90 seconds so I took Wyatt out to the playground.  It has rained every day since we got here!!  Our Sponsor calls me and tells me Tommy is hung up still doing paperwork but that he is going to take me to Kadena Air Force Base so I can do the housing stuff.  Fine, no problem.  So we load up in the car, but I am getting nervous because it is already 9:45 a.m. and the appointment is at 10 a.m.  What happens next is the sort of thing that can only happen to me.

Subsequent timeline of events, with internal dialogue in italics.

9:45 a.m.Sponsor decides we should take the Expressway to Kadena. 

9:47 a.m. Sponsor gets lost trying to find the Expressway and we hit a Dead End road. Stress level: Yellow.

9:51 a.m. Sponsor finds an alternate route to Expressway

9:56 a.m. Sponsor gets off the Expressway and pays 200 Yen toll.  Really? Was that worth it?

9:59 a.m. Sponsor attempts to enter Kadena AF Base. I notice Sponsor does not have his Military ID but instead has only his Stateside Drivers License and Gold Card (Internal document with rank).  I ask him about it and he tells me he forgot his Military ID at Camp Futenma in his camis.

Umm.... how in the Lord's name are we supposed to get on the Air Force Base without your ID?!?! I start to majorly freak out.  The housing office is on the other side of the base and we are already going to be late!  Don't worry, he tells me, piece of cake.  What kind of cake are YOU eating? Stress Level: Orange.

10:02 a.m. Air Force man will not let us through the gate and tells Sponsor he must go get a visitor's pass to enter the base.  Sponsor then tells Airman that I will be driving the car and shows him my Military ID and ONE DAY OLD Japense Drivers License. 

I'm sorry... did you just tell this Airman that I AM DRIVING this vehicle?!?!? Panic seizes me but I try to remain calm.  Airman tells Sponsor that he is not allowed on base at all without his military ID.

I'm sorry... did you just tell me that I have to drive ALONE with my TWO YEAR OLD SON across base and find the housing office?????  Stress level: RED

10:07 a.m. Sponsor pulls over to the side of the road and hops out. Gives me directions that consist of "turn left at Air Squadron 234 and right at III MEF 4234 Wing" and tells me he'll wait there.

Excuse me????  I look at him like he has totally lost his mind. Which he has.  I have never driven in Japan.  Or in any country that drives on the lefthand side of the road. Ever. The steering wheel is even on the other side of the car!  This isn't even our Sponsor's car, he has borrowed it from someone I have never even met before. Have I mentioned I am not a good driver, even in the States?!?!

For the love of all things holy. I have no choice. I am totally late and I hate being late, and we have to get housing done today. 

10:09 a.m. I get in the drivers side and signal to turn out of the parking lot.  Except the signal doesn't turn on, the windshield wipers do. On full blast. Wipe, wipe, wipe, going like 100 wipes an hour.  Stop it!  I am so confused, but it finally dawns on me that the windshield wipers are where the turn signal would be on an American car.  I can't figure out how to turn them off, and I for sure can't figure out whether I am supposed to turn the signal up or down to signal a left turn!  Stress level: BRIGHT RED

10:11 a.m. I finally get the wipers/signal business straight and I turn left out of the lot.  Turning left is easy here, but turning right is like a Left turn in the States.  Keep in mind that this base is HUGE.  The road I am on is 5 lanes across (two in each direction and a turn lane) I start driving and relax a little bit, but then my cell phone goes off.  It's against Japanese and U.S. laws to talk while driving, but I'm worried it's Sponsor and that I have already messed up so I signal to pull into this parking lot to look.  Wipe, wipe, wipe.  It's only Tommy so I ignore it.  Very large mistake.

10:17 & 10:20 a.m. I realize I am very lost.  I followed his directions to a T but there is no Housing Office. I pull over and call him.  Twice. Eventually I ignore his directions and go the opposite way and I find the Housing Office.  Every time I turn on the turn signal the wipers go off.  Wipe, wipe, wipe.

10:27 a.m. I roll into the housing office parking lot and load up the backpack of paperwork, 2-year old, sippy cup, Goldfish crackers, and purse.  I promptly drop my purse and everything spills out of it in the lot.  Sweet.

10:31 a.m. I approach the (male) receptionist.  I explain that our sponsor was late and apologize 14 times. Then he looks at the appointment sheet and tells me, It looks like Kumi called your husband and rescheduled the meeting for 2 p.m. today.

Life stopped.  My heart stopped. Excuse me?

He repeats the same thing again. I remember the cell phone call I ignored. My eyes fill with tears.

He takes one look at me and says, "I'll try to see what I can do. It will be okay."

Fortunately, they got another counselor to meet with me and everything with the appointment turned out fine.  I made my way out of Kadena AF Base - I still got lost again, but I eventually made it.  And I only hit one curb, to which Wyatt said, "Oh, gosh.  Driving all done, mommy?"

We can only hope so, son. We can only hope so.