I think the DMV should take over Homeland Security. For real.
So my birthday is coming up here in a few days, and this year my license is expiring. I went online and read all the Virginia regulations, took the morning off of work, and gathered up all possible documents pertaining to my life history. I packed my patience and left early. I arrived at the DMV at 7:51 a.m. It was gray and dreary and snowing hard. So hard that the Northern Virigina schools all started on a 2-hour delay. I joined the line of people waiting outside in the snow and counted only 10 people ahead of me. And when the doors finally opened at 8:01, the woman was actually friendly! Things were looking up.
My number was called just a few minutes later. I was excited – I had documents in hand, in order as listed on the web site. I proudly handed them to my very nice processor, thinking she might appreciate how well organized I was. Instead, I got a, “This is electronic” response when looking at my paystub. Well, yes, I said, we don’t receive paper pay stubs. I brought a financial statement and insurance document as backups to show residence. Will those work?
No, those wouldn’t work. Apparently they stopped accepting checks as valid documents and my bank document wasn’t an actual “statement,” so it, too, was invalid. Which presented a problem, because there was NOTHING on “the list” that I could provide to her. Almost everything Tommy and I do is electronic! And everything else (housing lease, insurance, etc.) is in my husband’s name per military requirements. I politely explained that I didn’t see anything online about prohibiting electronic documents, and her response was, “Yeah, we need to change that.”
Certainly I was not the first military spouse to encounter this problem! I requested she speak to the manager. They agreed this was a problem, and would make an “exception” if I could produce my husband’s military orders and housing lease showing his name, plus my military ID and marriage certificate. So – I drove the 10 miles – in morning rush hour traffic, mind you – back to my house, in the SNOW, to obtain the military orders and housing lease. I returned an hour later with documents in hand, and was told to take a number.
I’m sorry, did you say take a number??? I kind of thought I could skip that part since I’d already done so once – and have I mentioned that they didn’t say you couldn’t bring online documents??? There were at that point, 50 people in line ahead of me. And THREE processors working out of the EIGHT stations. I’m still trying to be patient, but getting slightly irritated. Their rules are STUPID, and I followed the information online exactly. Now I have to take another number because your web site isn’t updated?
So I take a seat. And then I notice that there are no numbers being called, but there are a lot of people scurrying around in the back. Yes, my friends….. the DMV’s system crashed. Sweet.
A lady to my left had two kids with her, one who looked about 4 and one who looked almost 2. Both kids were throwing tantrums and screaming. The almost-2 year old was still strapped in his stroller but had gotten out, still attached at the waist, and was trying to walk while dragging the stroller, still bundled up in hat, coat, etc. and screaming/crying. Normally I feel sorry for mothers in this situation, but this woman was just dumb. You’re gonna bring your two kids to the DMV and make them sit there forever? Quit yelling at them and take the kid’s coat off and give him some Cheerios or something. Maybe bring the DVD player. Come on, lady! After 20 minutes of this, I almost threw a tantrum of my own!
Finally the DMV’s system came back up. And the stations filled with more workers. Hallelujah! I was sitting in the front row because those were the only seats open. I guess it was kinda like church – no one wanted to sit in the front row. Anyway, the processor in front of me had this man taking the vision test, and I could tell she was getting annoyed. She kept saying things like, “SIR. You need to read the 3rd line, left to right,” and, “SIR. There ARE NO NUMBERS, only letters. Read the next line please.” And he would say, “Okay, okay, okay.” It was HILARIOUS! It was all I could do to not bust out laughing. She made eye contact with me two separate times, rolled her eyes and shook her head. I thought she was going to lose it. Finally, she told the man he did not pass the vision test. Then I watched him argue with her for a good 5 minutes.
Thoroughly entertained, I watched several more people get DENIED their license for one reason or another. Expired license? Gotta take the driving test. Which, by the way, is not offered at this location. Just moved here? Sorry, you gotta wait until you get some PAPER documents mailed to you to prove your residence. They were falling so fast my number was now up! Yippee!
After that, I had to explain everything to the processor, get the manager to sign off on my “special” exception (whatever!), and wait a gagillion years for her to process everything. It really threw her for a loop when she realized I used to have a Virginia license about 5 years ago, and then had been living in Iowa using a Maryland license and never changed it. Again, the military thing. I DON’T HAVE TO!!! Then, there was some problem with some OTHER Megan Lynn Parker who lived in Ohio and is wanted for some felony or something. All I know is, Ohio is one state I’ve never lived in. Thank God! Then I paid $32 and waited, got my mug shot, and waited some more. Then I went to Voter Registration, and waited. And then I used my brand spankin’ new license to drive to Mason, where I paid $10 to park in the garage because all the Faculty spots were gone. And I don’t even care. Because I would have paid $1,000 just to get out of that DMV with license in hand.
At least my picture was good.
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