Stupid Things I've Done...

This Weekend. There are many, but here's a fun sampling.

Stupid Thing #1
We - and by "we," I mean Santa and his elves - are getting Wyatt a Little Tikes Step 2 Kitchen for Christmas. Read: Very large, sorta expensive, piece of plastic that will occupy my child for hours and take up all available space in my living room. Wyatt's always been a fan of "helping" me in the kitchen, but lately he'll get food out of the 'fridge and pots out of the cupboard and put them on the stove for me, then turn on the burner (!). Even when I'm not cooking. And I can't tear him away from the kitchen my neighbor has for her kids. So since I couldn't get him cast in Hell's Kitchen, we decided to buy him one for Christmas.

I fought the crowds at 1 Target and 2 WalMarts, and they had no kitchens. So I bought one online from Walmart and did Site to Store Shipping. I have ants in my pants about getting this kitchen so you can imagine how SUPER excited I was to get the email that it was here, so I dragged (drug?) Tommy to Walmart to pick it up, *patiently* waiting for someone to occupy the Site to Store Department.

After 15 minutes and 2 pages, a woman finally enters the pickup area, and I proudly announce that I am here for my kitchen, and hand her the confirmation email. She types in the number. BEEP! Item Not Found, displays the computer. Hmmm... try it again, please... BEEP! Item Not Found. Okay, it has to be here, can you look it up by name? BEEP! Item Not Found. AGH~! Where Is My Kitchen?!?! Ma'am, are you sure you shipped it to this store? Umm... I think so.... oh, crap. I don't remember telling it where to ship it! Then I read the email. Your item has been delivered to WalMart, Grand Ave., Ames, Iowa. CRAP~! My kitchen is in Ames!!!

Well, of course this is a problem. A large one. And 4 WalMart employees have no idea what to do about it because apparently in the HISTORY of Site to Store Shipping, no one - but me - has been stupid enough to do this. So I did what any mom would do for her kid for Christmas. I ordered another one online.

Stupid Thing #2:
So we're in Richmond for Thanksgiving, and one of my absolute favorite restaurants is Texas Roadhouse, of which the closest to us is in Richmond. I tried to go there 2 weeks ago when we were there for the ball, and there was a 1 hour, 45 minute wait, so we didn't go. I was SO disappointed. So this time I had a plan - order takeout!! So Friday night I made everyone hand me their orders and I called it in, then went to pick it up. It's just a few miles down the street from my MIL's (mother in law's), but it's in a busy mall area so I tried getting the GPS to help me out. No such luck. It couldn't find it. Not a big deal - I only made just 2 or 3 wrong turns - and finally found it. Unfortunately, on one of those wrong turns, a median jumped out at my car. Out of nowhere! Well, actually, it was because I was trying to avoid a wrong turn... and it didn't so much jump out as it did up - into my car. And now it's making this weird rattling noise.

I perservered, however, and succeeded in my mission to obtain Chicken Critters from Texas Roadhouse. I backed out of my spot and made a quick turn to the stop sign, and some guy in a sporty little sports car number swung out wide and missed hitting me by just a few feet. My heart was pounding and I was cursing the driver. What an idiot! Couldn't he see me? I turned out onto the main road and realized things were sort of dark. Must not be a moon tonight. Oh, wait... I don't have my headlights on!!! Apparently the driver couldn't see me. My bad...

Stupid Thing #3
We're in the Px (think department store) on base at their big after-Thanksgiving sale. We've been in the Px for one hour and 22 minutes, and I have once again picked the absolute slowest line possible. You know on the movie Office Space where the guy is in traffic and his lane isn't moving, so he switches lanes and that lane stops and the other one starts? That's how I am when it comes to checking out of stores.

Anyway, Tommy has taken Wyatt and all our crap out to the car and I have to re-enter the freakin' line because Tommy forgot to buy MoleSkin the first time around. One hour and 39 minutes later I am leaving the store with that and a roll of wrapping paper, walking to our car. I veer to the left at the last minute, realizing our car is one aisle over, and somehow trip over the median and bite it right in front of the store. And I mean BITE IT! As in, full on fall on the ground spread eagle, think-I-am-dying, laying on the ground unsure of whether to get up or not, BITE IT. A car that was backing out of its space stops to see if I'm okay. I ignore them (I have my pride, after all!) and FORCE myself to get up, trying (unsuccessfully) not to cry.

My wrapping paper is smushed. My vision is blurry. My hip is bleeding and bruised. My wrist and shoulder are throbbing. I have a 6-inch scrape on my opposite forearm, and practically a hole in the knee of my favorite jeans. I open the car door and throw myself into the seat. Tommy just looks at me, and wants to know what happened? I told him I tripped, and he asked on what, the ground? And started laughing. MEN!