My Cat is Stressed Out

One of my cats, Peaches, has been peeing outside her litter box. Mostly on the linoleum floor, but twice in the laundry basket, which is a problem. She did this one other time a few years ago, and it was because she had a urinary tract infection, so I knew I had to take a urine sample to the vet. Collecting that urine, however, turned out to be a problem.

So on Friday night I separated her from the other cat, which meant putting her upstairs in our bathroom. Then I took these crystal-looking things that are the size/shape of cat litter and put them in this box to make her “think” it was her litter box, and of course put food and water there too.

I checked several times before I went to sleep, but no urine sample. So then I tried to go to bed. Only I couldn’t, because she was in there meowing because she wanted out. “Meow! Meow!” And then my other cat, Tenga, started clawing the carpet by the bathroom door and harassing me because I wouldn’t let Peaches out. So I got up out of bed and threw Tenga out of my bedroom and closed the door. But again, all I heard was, “Meow! Meow!” followed by scratching and clawing at the carpet outside the bedroom.

I got back up and took Tenga downstairs and put her in the big storage room, where her litter and food are located, and went back upstairs to bed. But all I heard was, "Meow! Meow!" coming from the bathroom.

I slept fitfully and woke up at 5 a.m. to go to the bathroom, and discovered that Peaches had, in fact, peed. Not in the fake litter box, mind you, but on the linoleum. Hmm… how to collect a urine sample from the linoleum… Think, Megan, think. Aha! There’s a medicine dropper right here on the dresser. I’ll use that! I took the plastic wrapper off and pushed the dropper down, feeling rather smart.

I push the dropper down, and all of a sudden, stuff is shooting out all over the place. What the…?? Oh crap. The dropper was a dropper that had tooth whitening liquid in it that came in a free sample of something Tommy ordered. Double Crap! I now had tooth whitening gel all over me, all over Peaches, and all over the carpet. Sweet.

I wipe it up to the best of my abilities and go downstairs to get a new dropper (the suction kind) and a plastic cup. I then proceeded to suction up cat urine off the floor for a good five minutes. Little by little, I suck it up and squeeze it into the plastic cup. I have plastic gloves on, but the smell is making me want to puke. I start gagging. Then I throw up. Then I knock over the plastic cup with the cat pee in it.

God Bless America!

For the love of all things holy! Why is this so complicated????

I try again, exhausted. I hold my breath and resume suctioning cat pee off the floor. I stop for a minute and think how ridiculous this scenario is. It is 5:16 a.m. in the morning and I am suctioning cat pee off of my floor. For the love.

For the second time, I gather what I think to be an acceptable amount of cat pee and put the lid on and take it downstairs, along with the fake litter box. I put all the rugs back in my bathroom and crawl back in bed. I am just nodding off and Wyatt wakes up. Of course! It is almost the crack of dawn, mind you!

Fast forward to 8:30 a.m., when I start calling veterinary clinics (the one we use on base isn’t open on Saturdays). The one I call says they are accepting new cat patients. Swell. I tell her the problem and tell her I have a urine sample and can they please test it?

Her response?

Did you refrigerate the sample after collecting it?

Um, no. I did not.

Did you capture the sample within an hour of the cat urinating?

I have no idea. Probably not, because I was sleeping.

Oh, well we can’t test the urine unless those conditions have been met.

So you’re telling me that I just sucked up cat urine off my floor for no reason?

I’m sorry, ma’am. You can try to get another sample and bring her in on Monday.

Oh, yes, because this is something I absolutely want to repeat again! Aaarrrgggghhhh!
Whatever. I made the appointment. I had no choice.

So, I repeat the Friday night scenario on Monday morning. I actually managed to see the pee and suck it up off the floor within an hour and refrigerate it. I was so proud! I went to work and came home and picked up the pee, the cat, and her records and went to the clinic.

Only to be told that despite my efforts, they were just going to go in and take a sample from her bladder directly. It was more reliable.

Well by all means, then… take the freakin’ sample! But could you at least tell me that's what you're going to do anyway before I spend half my sleeping hours trying to collect cat urine from the floor?????

And all for naught. $300, an ultrasound and a urinalysis later, the official diagnosis? She is stressed out. No UTI. Just stress.

I can see where sitting around licking yourself all day, watching cars go by could be stressful.

For the love. I’m stressed out too, but I still pee in the toilet!!!

She is soooooo lucky I like her.